the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
