After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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