Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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