I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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