I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
