I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
