He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
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