I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
