he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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