Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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