he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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