I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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