where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
