you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
