do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
What a dumb baby whore.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
