We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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