Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize