dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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