I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
