One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
