in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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