Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
