your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
