Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
