It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize