You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
