On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
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