I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
