Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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