Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
