She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
