The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
