so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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