High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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