I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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