I just pynch a tree in the face
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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