your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
