It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
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