remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
How naked do you want me to be?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
