I skipped work to stalk him.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize