So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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