Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
