Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
