If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
