The maid of honor just puked.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize