i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
