Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
