just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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