Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
