dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
