He disabled his match.com account in front of me
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
