We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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