I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
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