and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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