I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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