I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
