You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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