every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
