I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I am one with the molecules
Randomize
