when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
What a dumb baby whore.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
