the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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