Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
