Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
My dick has a subreddit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
