I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize